Have you just become a parent but still feel like you’re totally unprepared to take care of a child? Maybe you’re nearing your due date and feel totally unready to bring a baby into the world? And perhaps these feelings have cropped up out of nowhere.
A few days ago you were absolutely fine about being a new parent, and you were excited and looking forward to having a newborn on your hands. Even the smaller, more arduous tasks of doing more laundry, washing bottles, and getting up for night feeds seemed like a breeze in your mind! But now all you can think about is how scary the situation might end up being, and how you may never get used to looking after a child.
Do you know something? This feeling is completely normal, as is how sudden it’s come on. The closer you are to actually being a parent for the first time, the more your nerves will feel wracked. You might be on edge, you may be moodier than usual, and you may feel you can’t even talk about what’s going on inside.
At a time like this, it’s best to look into ways to combat that unready feeling. It’s OK to feel it, but if it’s all you can focus on right now, we need to do something about it! As such, check out the list below for things you should try to remember about being a parent, and how you can dispel that negative feeling that’s overriding any positive emotion you could really do with right now.
Reader's Roadmap
Talk to Other Parents Who Know the Feeling
You won’t have been the only parent to ever feel like this. Not in your country, not in your state, not in your city or town, and certainly not in your neighborhood either. You’ll be surrounded by other parents who know what you’re going through and how pervasive a feeling like this really is.
Talk to these parents and get the lowdown and perspective you really need right now. You can even head online to find others who know what you’re going through, and sometimes it’s easier to do that than have a conversation in person. But no matter what, get some support in this manner, as it could be the one thing you really need right now.
Take Time for Yourself
New parents are often expected to let their lives go and focus entirely on their baby. That feeling of unreadiness may also want you to do so. However, it’s best to take some time for yourself now and then to ensure you still feel like a person. You’re going to need some self care from time to time!
Taking time for yourself doesn’t mean you have to put your baby down and walk away either. Pop them in their bassinet and be by their side as they have their midday nap, but at the same time, do something that makes you feel cared for too.
Whether this is a facemask or getting a little bit of sleep yourself, it’ll help you to stave off those negative feelings and prevent them from becoming an overwhelming pile of stress. That’s absolutely not what you need right now, and self care can make sure you don’t have to deal with it.
Keep in Mind That What Seems Worrying is Often Relatively Simple
Babies can be little enigmas. When you’re a new parent who’s never dealt with a newborn before, that takes a lot of getting used to.
A lot of parents worry over their babies hiccuping after feeding – imagining that it means air is stuck somewhere and that may be bad for their airways. But the reality can be a lot more simple. Namely, babies hiccup for the exact same reasons that adults do, and you know a case of the hiccups isn’t a bad thing!
For more information, check out Baby Hiccups: What Causes Them, Plus 4 Natural Remedies, which is a great article for assuaging a worry like this. The internet is a great resource for new parents, so when you have a worry, it’s OK to tap it into the search box and see what information centers, doctors and midwives, and other parents have to say about it.
Nine times out of ten, you’ll find that what you’re worrying about is something very normal and natural.
Don’t Take it All on Alone
If you feel you have to be a parent on your own – and even with a partner’s support, you can feel like it’s you and your baby against the world – you’re going to feel unready all the time. You may feel you have to shoulder the whole burden and carry the entire mental load.
But that’s not an essential thing to do right now. Being a new parent doesn’t mean being perfect, and it certainly doesn’t mean having to be a super parent who always knows what to do. Share some of this burden with those around you who care about you, and at the very least, speak up about the way it feels. It’s OK to have a negative feeling right now!
Be Prepared to Not Know What to Do
Now this one is a bit of a paradox, but it’s an important thing to note. As a new parent, you’re not going to know everything there is to know about raising your child. However, that’s also OK. You’re a new parent with a newborn in the house – really, you’re working this time out together!
So, it’s OK not to understand the best thing to do to get your baby to stop crying or settle them down to sleep. It’s OK not to know why your baby wanted double the amounts of feed yesterday but today you can barely get them to drink anything. It’s why there are so many advice articles out there to read, and why baby parenting books are a common buy before the big arrival.
Remember, Your Baby is Growing Every Day
You’re not going to have a newborn for long, and you’re not going to have a toddler for long either.
Babies grow every single day and they change potentially even more frequently than that, and being able to soak up this time and enjoy them at this age is crucial. Yes, you may feel unready right now, but this feeling is likely to dissipate just as quickly as it came.
When you’ve got a baby in the house and they need feeding or their diaper changed, you’re going to marvel at the way you snap into action! Trust in this; your baby will grow but you’ll grow alongside them, and you won’t be an unready parent for very long.
Are You a New Parent Who Feels Unready? You’re Not Alone
Being a new parent can be a time of real uncertainty. However, the feeling of being totally unprepared and unready for what’s going to happen next doesn’t have to rule you. Whether you’re about to bring your baby into the world or you’ve just got them home and are unsure what to do next, make sure you use tips like these to rebalance the scales.
Talk to people about how you’re feeling, look for support from other parents, and don’t take on every single child caring duty alone. And remember, no one knows it all – you have to have experience to be the kind of parent you want to be, and you’ve only just started!