A lack of love, finances, abusive behavior, and a lack of love. There are many reasons why divorce happens. Some couples often feel they got married too young even though in the US, the minimum age for marriage is 18 and in the UK, you can marry when you are under 18. Whatever the reasons, as a divorcing mom, you will have a particular set of concerns about how to handle things. Read on to see what those who went before you want you to know about divorce.
1. Keep children at the forefront
As a newly single mother you may find yourself even more protective over your children’s emotional welfare. The pain of separating parents is almost inevitable for children, but you can shield them from potentially detrimental effects by remaining as civil as possible with your ex-spouse. Check in regularly with teenagers who may be quietly struggling and ensure routines are upheld and consistent for preschoolers and toddlers.
2. Create healthy boundaries
Enforcing strong boundaries with your ex-spouse will also help. Your old relationship has now ended which means changing the way you discuss things. Arguing about issues you had as a married couple can cause further upset to youngsters. Post-divorce, you need time to heal and grieve for your marriage. Doing so will help your children come to terms with the new normal too. Blurred lines can make children feel insecure and unhappy, even if you are trying to make things better for them.
3. Remember, money matters
Record exactly what is coming in and going out of your bank account, and if you don’t have a bank account then it’s a good time to get one. When negotiating a financial settlement, it is crucial to know where you stand so that childcare support can be arranged effectively. Avoid agreeing to financial arrangements to keep the peace as this can be a source of regret in the future when managing the family budget as a lone parent.
4. Gain knowledge
Seeking professional advice is not only practical but it can help put unnecessary concerns to bed. When you don’t know what to expect from a divorce your imagination can do the work for you. Speak to a divorce lawyer to gain the facts and help alleviate what can be unfounded worries. Ask them what your rights are and learn about how divorced is handled in your state. Ahead of the meeting, write down your questions to ensure you are gaining as much information as possible.
5. Seek support
Worry can also be eased by seeking counselling or friendship support. Divorce can leave you questioning yourself, but friends can act as a sounding board where you can share your thoughts and frustrations. If you feel more comfortable, a professional counsellor can help you navigate your feelings and steer you in the right direction. Women support groups also offer a safe environment with others going through separation.
6. Wait til you date
Dating can seem like a welcome pastime when you are going through a divorce. If you are experiencing conflict and blame with your ex, then receiving compliments and having fun with a new love interest is very tempting. But it can sometimes be too soon for both you and your children. Allow yourself time to reflect on your divorce and think about how you will work towards having better relationships in the future.
When you’re juggling both yours and your children’s needs it can be difficult to believe things will improve. However, when you have gone through the stages of grief, enforced your boundaries and gained greater knowledge you will be in a much stronger position to create a new life for you and your family.