When you love someone, you want to spend every second with them. You might even start planning your future together and envisioning what your happily ever after will look like. However, when the excitement dies down, you might start to feel the pressure of keeping the relationship going. Couplehood can be scary at times and dealing with fears is normal in any type of relationship. What we become aware of is how our actions or inactions impact our partner. If a situation makes you anxious, it’s because somewhere inside you know something needs to change if things are going to work out between you two. That stress could stem from a fear of abandonment or an abundance of doubts about whether this person is right for you long-term. Maybe it stems from the constant nagging feeling that something is wrong and your partner isn’t giving you enough attention or affection as you need it. If any of these sound familiar, there’s a chance that your relationship might have some issues that need fixing before moving forward—but maybe not in the way that you think.
Reader's Roadmap
You’re constantly checking in.
You want to know where your partner is at all times. You’re constantly asking “Where are you right now?” and “Who are you with?” You might even try to get a hold of them if you feel like they’re taking too long to respond to you. This can seem normal if you’ve been with someone for a long time and you know that they’re trustworthy. However, if this type of behavior is a new thing, then you might have a problem. If you feel like you’re constantly checking in with your partner to the point where they start avoiding you, you might want to reevaluate why you’re doing this. Are you feeling insecure around them or do you have a genuine concern about their well-being? If you’re constantly asking for updates, your partner might feel suffocated, which might cause them to distance themselves from you.
You dread your partner going out with friends.
You don’t want them going out because you fear they’ll meet someone better. You also dread social gatherings because you don’t want them to meet your friends. If this is the case, you might be subconsciously putting your partner in the friendzone or you might be controlling them in other ways. The latter is a sign of insecurity and control issues that need to be resolved. You might be building your relationship on the fear of losing them if they meet someone better and the need to constantly keep them around. If your partner is generally a trustworthy person, there’s no need to constantly keep tabs on them.
You constantly question whether you’re good enough.
You constantly doubt your ability to keep your partner around for the long haul. You might have an inferiority complex, which could stem from childhood issues, past breakups, or low self-esteem. When you constantly doubt your abilities as a partner, it’s a sign that you’re self-sabotaging the relationship. This can be harmful to your partner because they’ll constantly feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you. If you constantly question whether you’re good enough as a partner, it’s a sign that you need to work on yourself. You need to learn how to forgive yourself for past mistakes and not let them define who you are now.
You feel guilty when you want to be alone.
You feel guilty for wanting to be alone because you think that you’re supposed to always be with them. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s normal to want some alone time to recharge your batteries. You need to take time for yourself or you’ll get burnt out and overwhelmed by the relationship. We all have different needs and if you’re constantly feeling guilty for wanting to be alone, it’s an indication that you’re trying to control your partner through guilt. If you feel guilty for wanting to be alone but you don’t want to change that, you’re being unfair to your partner. You’re also not allowing yourself to be happy. You need to learn to let go of these feelings.
You feel like you have to ask for permission to go out with friends.
You have to get permission to go out with friends. You feel like you have to constantly get approval from your partner to do normal things. If this is the case, you might be in a codependent relationship. The problem with codependency is that you’re not allowing your partner to make their own mistakes. Your partner needs to be able to make their own decisions so that they can learn from them. If you’re asking for permission to go out with friends, you’re not giving them the chance to grow.
Conclusion
There are times when it’s normal to feel a little insecure in a relationship. You’re in a brand-new relationship and you don’t know what the future holds. You might have some doubts about things working out between you and your partner. If these feelings go away after a certain amount of time, then you need to let them go. If they don’t disappear, you need to find out why you’re feeling this way so that you can work through your issues. In some cases, relationship OCD can be a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. You might be so afraid of your relationship ending that you’re obsessing over every little thing. If you find that you have any of these signs, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. If the relationship is healthy and your partner respects you, they’ll understand.