Going through a divorce is hard for anyone, but when you are a mom there is a specific set of obstacles you are likely to face. In this article, we’ll pass on some of our most valuable tips to help steer you through this tricky time.
1. Find a good family lawyer
First and foremost, you will need to have good legal representation on your side when you are going through a divorce with children involved. Although DIY divorces are possible, you will need someone with legal knowledge to ensure you get the best results for you and your children. Top tip: Wiselaw site seems useful when searching family solicitors and specialise in child issues, financial settlements, prenuptial agreements and international divorce and family law. Search for a firm or individual with whom you feel comfortable enough sharing and explaining personal details with, someone who is non-judgemental and also honest.
2. Prioritise your children’s needs
As a mom, you will be naturally used to putting your kids first, but this can be put to the test when you are having to deal with a difficult or unreasonable spouse in a divorce. During this period of huge change for your child it’s especially important to put their needs as a high priority and not allow them to become involved in any kind of conflict. This means ensuring your children are not used as messengers, asking them to relay information or trying to find out what your soon-to-be-ex said while they were with them. It also means not saying anything bad about the other parent or within your child’s earshot. If your ex has done something unreasonable, and the children need to know what is happening, stick to the facts rather than expressing your opinion. Divorce is very hard for children of all ages, with many already feeling compromised.
3. Don’t overcompensate
Another natural instinct for moms is to overindulge their children to try, in some way, to compensate for the emotional difficulty a divorce may have caused. While it’s important to make sure you have 1:1 time with your children, providing reassurance of your presence in their lives, you shouldn’t overcompensate. Treats and holidays are good, but if you go over the top, you can end up in financial trouble. It’s wiser to keep your finances in check during this time as divorce will have an impact on a single income stream. This means looking after your credit, considering what child support you will get and factor this into a clear budget plan with all your outgoings and income.
4. Seek support
Support can come in various forms. It could be your mom or dad looking after the children while you spend some time sorting things out with your former spouse, or it could be making sure you are having some quality time to yourself and a little respite from the children. It can be hard reaching out to family but sometimes friends can fill this gap, especially the ones who have been through something similar. Spending this time talking, socialising or taking part in an activity can give you the space you need to return to your children refreshed and positive. Sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone who you don’t know, a counsellor or therapist who is experienced in providing professional support in divorces.
Each of these fundamental tips cover many aspects of a divorce you will need to consider when you are a mom. By finding a good lawyer, seeking support when needed and prioritising your children’s needs you are making the best start to a positive future for you and your family.